Holy Hand Grenade
by fringeperson
Summary: Dedicated to, inspired by, and can be blamed upon MizuKitsune10, as this fic is based on a series of pms we exchanged after she reviewd a chapter of one of my fics. Please note: Monty Python references, which make it crazy by default. Do Not Own. ONESHOT!


"Thou shalt count to three," Kagome intoned, reading from the manual solemnly as Koto handed the grenade to Shippo carefully.

"Two is not enough, and four is too many. Five is completely Out," Koto added as she stepped back to stand beside the miko.

Shippo stood, holding the Holy Hand Grenade that had been entrusted to his mother and his future mate by Koenma, and considered the rabbit that guarded the entrance to the cave. They weren't really interested in the cave, but there had been some disturbing reports about the rabbit.

"It reminds me of Yomi," Yusuke said. "How the hell a rabbit reminds me of Yomi I have no idea, but it does."

"I can't believe you're gonna bomb a bunny!" Kuwabara complained, gesturing wildly. "It's a cute and innocent bunny rabbit, not a mindless killer!"

Hiei and Kurama levelled unimpressed gazes at their human friend.

"Are you really so thick," Hiei said, "as to believe that _anything_ in the Makai could possibly be _innocent_?"

"Kuwabara, the fact remains, the rabbit has _blood_ on its incisors and around the mouth. You are welcome to volunteer your throat to it, but I do not look forward to explaining to Shizuru what happened," Kurama added.

"Still," Shippo said, a little bit sadly as he weighed the Holy Hand Grenade in his palm. "It's just a little sad when a fox can't kill a rabbit with his own teeth, ya know?"

Kurama nodded and lay a comforting hand on his adopted son's shoulder. "We have to be cautious," he reminded. "The rabbit _is_ in possession of some of Yomi's characteristics, as Yusuke pointed out. How it came by them, I do not know, but it still gives ground for extra caution."

"Hey, er, what were the instructions again?" Kuwabara asked.

"Fool."

"First, pull the pin," Kagome said. "Then thou shalt count to three. Two is not enough, and four is too many. Five is completely Out. Having reached the correct number, this being the number three, throw the Holy Hand Grenade at the intended target. As it is in the air, cover thine ears and avert thine eyes, lest they be damaged by the great blast which shall ensue."

"Pull the pin, count three, duck-and-cover," Koto simplified, having caught on that the large teen was very much thicker than a post back in the Dark Tournament – though she had been polite enough to only enjoy his pain and not comment on his stupidity.

Shippo pulled the pin – which looked like the top of Miroku's staff for some reason – counted three, and lobbed the golden ball at the rabbit they wanted gone.

The group ducked, covering ears, eyes, and their heads as best they could until the boom had subsided.

Koto – a true devotee to the art of pain, gore and splatter – was the first to look up. Her left hand abruptly went to cover her mouth, and the right to holding her stomach as she physically held in laughter.

The others noticed and looked up as well.

"Thank you," Yomi said. "I don't know _how_ I ended up looking like a rabbit, but I appreciate being myself again."

"No problem," Shippo said, the laughter in his own voice effectively disguised – illusions were really the best.

Yomi then walked away with all of his usual dignity. If he had known that he was not wearing his usual dignified clothing he might not have, but no one would argue that Yomi looked ridiculous in the form-fitting pink bunny suit, and that the fluffy tail bobbed ludicrously on his behind, as did the ears on top of his head.

"You think Yuda will tell him?" Shippo asked quietly.

"Kami I hope not," Kurama replied in a whisper. "I hope all of Demon World sees him like that and his pride never recovers."

Yusuke and Hiei agreed, and when Yomi was finally out of sight, they all started to howl with laughter. It took quite a while to calm down, and as Kagome wiped the tears from her eyes, she mentioned that she wished she'd had a camera.

"It will be a treasured memory anyway Love," Kurama assured her, helping her off the ground.

"I don't get it," Kuwabara said as they began to make their way back to the gates between Human World and Demon World. "I thought grenades blew stuff up."

"It was a _Holy_ Hand Grenade," Kagome pointed out. "Rules are very different."

"I'm a little disappointed that there was no blood," Koto said, "but it was still fantastic."

Shippo chuckled and slipped his arm around Koto's waist. "I can fix the lack of blood later for you if you like," he offered.

Koto grinned. "I love you."


End file.
